Aliquis' S/M Journal

Delayed

2010-09-15T11:01:00.000+02:00

Well, we had to delay our session :( I dont like this because, I have to admit, Im still getting tense and nervous efore an SM session. Perhaps Merle wrote that if feels like if there were a buch of snakes in one's belly... well I know the feeling.
But we settled another date, I hope it will work.

A long expected meeting

2010-09-13T21:53:00.000+02:00

I have planned that I’m going to write down my past experiences but I got really excited about tomorrow.

I met a guy on the internet about 2 years ago. He is a professional spanker. I wanted to have my first spanking with him but for some boring reasons we could make an appointment.

However, we kept some contact, nothing special happened; until a few weeks ago I PM-ed him and we started to chat again. Word followed word and we finally have an appointment.

The first meeting – I hope many happy events will follow it – will be a “testdrive”. We both want to measure my limits, how I react to various kinds of torments.

Here is the program:

As expected, I will be stark naked, as a sub should be during punishment. Then I will receive 15 lashes of a belt – this will be a punishment what I get during our chats – lying on a special spanking bench which is called ‘deres’ in Hungarian. But no restraints yet. Following this, there will be some leather paddling on my ass, just for the taste.

After this, I will be ordered to stand I my arms will be secured to a chain from the ceiling, pulling my up until I will be standing on my toes. The dom will secure my ankles spread apart to some weights on the ground in order to keep them from closing.
In this ‘comfortable’ position there will be some back and ass whipping.

Then we’ll move on to more serious stuff:
The dom has various kinds of clips, from mild to alligator… he will attach them to my pecs and nipples, later onto my cock. I think I will handle this… however those thingies are called alligator for a reason, I think…

After the clips there will be what I fear the most: ball slapping with the paddle. I dare to say that testicle beating is the manliest torture ever – and the most horrid one. Beating the head of my cock is just a funny thing next to it.

For dessert, there will be some electro. We have three devices for it. An electric gaslighter, nasty little thing. I have tried it on my nips, it hurts but manageable. But on the head of my penis…oh dear. I could not hold it there for a second, it stings and numbs so much.
Then he will use his own TENS unit on me. He tried it only once on sub but the guy could only take the half of its strength. Well, I had some hard electro before, on my balls, well, I literally cried at the end but that’s another story. We’ll see what this TENS can offer to my genitals.

And for last but not least we will test my latest asset: an old hand crank phone. I tested it a bit, well it stings like a bitch but not as hard as I thought. You can read many things about the torture with the so called Tucker phone, well, I’m not mad – not yet – and I don’t want to have electric burns on my ballsack but I can’t help my curiosity either.

So, stay tuned.

First Spanking

2010-09-13T16:58:00.001+02:00

Nevertheless, torture is what really turns me on, I knew I should start with something lighter. I was always amazed by the spanking previews of Spankingcentral (by the way, does any one have a valid login to share? :D), and I really wanted to taste a few things on my bare ass.

After a few weeks of chatting, searching, I have found an Englishman, living in my country, who seemed suitable for the job. He was intelligent, highly educated and most importantly: a well-experienced spanker with place and tools.

So I made the first step: we made an appointment.

My knees were trembling when I pushed the ring at his doorstep. After he invited me in, we sat down in the kitchen and talked. I made more grammar mistakes in that one hour you can imagine, I was so nervous.

We planned every details in chat, according to the number of hits and tools.

We agreed in the following: He will use 6 different tools on my bare ass - hands, tawse, leather paddle, riding crop, bamboo cane, and a rattan cane. With each tool, I will get 12 strokes. In addition, I'm gonna get 10 strokes with the rattan cane onto my naked soles.

I'm not gonna write down every details but it was interesting. I could stand this 72 strokes without a word. Unfortunately, my bass ended up in a pretty bad condition. Welts, bruises, purple and deep red marks... And I had a girlfriend who knew nothing about this things.

It took more than 10 days to recover. It was not easy to pretend to be sick and act shier than usual, and so on.

But all in all, it was my first BDSM experience. I am grateful to that guy. He was nice and caring. Sadly, he is only a spanker and because I cannot afford to have long lasting marks like the ones mentioned above, I did not return to him.

I'm quite sure that I could take much harder spankings but my ass is not resisilient enough for it. I think it could take - naturally, it depends on the strength of the strokes - at least 100 strokes... perhaps some salty water or vinegar sparyed on my spanked ass would made my cry... :)

The Beginning

2010-09-13T16:26:00.000+02:00

Well, i really dunno why am I doing this thing, writing a blog.

I have several reasons for not doing it:

My English is not as good as it should be.

The whole SM thing is a completely secretive thing in my life. No one. I repeat: No one who knows my real identity knows that I love this thing so much. I chose this kind of life form and so far, I can manage it.

Sometimes it feels like as it is said in Dexter: There is a dark passenger inside me. I have tried to overcome it many times. For some time I achieved some relief but the urge, eventually, returned. Now, I struggle to accept it, however I don’t have the courage to dig inside my mind to reach its true roots.

A few words about me, if you are concerned.

I’m in my early thirties, Caucasian male, tall and slim, recently try to build up some muscle. I have an MA and I’m working as an employee.

In BDSM I love the SM part. Domination or tricky bondages are really my world. I accept that they are a necessary part but I like sado-masochism a lot more. I call myself a switch, but I think I have more maso than sado in me. Oh and one more thing: I’m hetero, but I love the sight of good-looking male bodies and in SM I’m not choosy – pain is pain for both men and women.

So, why am I doing this?

For years, since I was a little boy, I was fascinated by corporal punishments, the sight of taunt, heavily sweat naked bodies, etc. I realized soon enough that the grown ups around me do not think this is a cool thing. On the contrary, they were disgusted or terrified. So I learnt to hide these feelings.

But when I got my very own internet connection in my room, I think I was around 19, I started to discover the virtual world of BDSM.
Years have passed and slowly but surely the virtual world couldn’t satisfy my desires. So I have come to the decision: I must experience these things on my skin.
I have joined a BDSM partner finder site and I started looking,

I have made a few friendships, tried some things and I’ve decided to share some of these experiences. “I cannot tell to anyone, so I tell it to everyone.”